The Season of "Mom"
I came to You with my heart in pieces
And found the God with healing in His hands
I turned to You, put everything behind me
And found the God who makes all things new
I looked to You, drowning in my questions
And found the God who holds all wisdom
And I trusted You and stepped out on the ocean
You caught my hand among the waves
'Cause You're the God of all my days
Each step I take
You make a way
And I will give You all my praise
My seasons change, You stay the same
You're the God of all my days
Casting Crowns, God of All my Days
Has anyone every told you “it’s just a season.” I have heard that a lot since having Siena. At first it only frustrated me. Was that supposed to be comforting? You are stuck in a depression, but only for a “season.” You are cut off from life as you know it, but only for a certain amount of “time.” All you want to do is change the season and swim against the tide. However, you are more tired and possibly confused than you have ever been. This could be you after having a baby or just in a rough part of your life. Any change of events, decisions with consequences, they are all seasons. A span of time where something is taking course, changing, and bringing you to the next change in life.
There is a season for the woman who wants to be a mother but is struggling to conceive. There is a season for someone wishing they were a mother but never had the opportunity to. There is a season for a woman who is making the choice to not have children. So many feelings involved in each choice and experience. The season you experience, is the ocean you are stepping out onto. Seasons are meant for change. You have to go through some bad weather to see the sunshine at times.
These are seasons I believe are unique to women. We have some extra choices to make and contemplate. It can be frustrating, overwhelming, and just down right upsetting sometimes. I have come to start repeating this phrase to myself in comfort. When Siena is screaming on the floor because I cut her apple the wrong way. I remind myself she will not be a toddler forever. Then when she hugs me and says “mommy” I remind myself she won’t be a toddler forever. So I hold on a little tighter and a little longer. When I see people on instagram on their vacations and long for the traveling Brian and I used to do. I remind myself this is only a moment in time. Then I look forward to bringing Siena everywhere for the first time. When work is slow and I am not sure where to go next, I remind myself to be still. This is only the “ebb” to the flow. What does God want me to learn or lean into right now? Maybe I should actually take a nap haha! Okay, maybe not but I think you get my point.
I pray God change me, mold me, and strengthen me. Not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. I know I can’t get to the next place in life until I am mature enough in my walk with him to be there. Thank God he does not give me things right when I ask. Thank God he waits until I am ready. That is why I continually ask for peace throughout the seasons. I pray that I become more steadfast, like a tree rooted in the ground. My leaves may change but I am rooted in Jesus. My core and foundation remains steadfast. However, I am consistently moving forward, toward who Jesus wants me to be. Because I believe that will be the best me. The best me as a mom, wife, sister, daughter, cousin, teacher, friend, and the list goes on. That will enable me to touch others and be blessing. Which I have learned is so much more rewarding than any earthly reward. I may lose a branch here or there. I may have a season where I feel withered and as if I am dying. But God will send me rain and sunshine. He will always provide what I need to make it through all the seasons life has for me.